The first few weeks were a mix of frustration and intrigue. I fluctuated between a sense of adventure and loneliness.
Finally, I´m coming to terms with the fact that this trip did not bring the instant and lasting gratification I´d originally though it would.
I came here hoping to find my destiny... the final piece to the Who-is-Faith? puzzle.
It´s not here.
But during a conversation with my significant other, something that was said struck me. I can´t remember who said it, but it was something like "the search [for self-actualization] continues."
"It´s like finding The Charlotte!" I blurted.
In the movie National Treasure, Nicolas Cage´s character is a historian and treasure hunter. He´d devoted his whole life to finding a particular caché of hidden treasure, as had his father and grandfather before him. They had been chasing clue after clue, but the biggest clue yet, passed down from generation to generation was a man´s dying words. "The secret lies with Charlotte."
This launched Cage into a long and expensive venture to find "Charlotte". When he finally found it [Charlotte was a boat], the treasure wasn´t there...as he had expected. Instead, he found yet another clue.
Spain is my "Charlotte".
I didn´t find my niche here as I had expected. Instead I´m uncovering clues as to who I really am and what I am meant to do.
They can be summarized as follows:
- I need people. I love sharing experiences with others. Whatever I end up doing, wherever it is, I don´t want to go alone.
- I respect those who enjoy "roughing it", but I have no desire to do so myself. I enjoy...want...need the finer things in life (like a/c). I don´t have to feel guilty about that either.
- I have to find a way to make a difference in the world (as cliched as this may sound). I want to feel like what I´m doing will have a lasting, positive effect on the lives of others. Other people´s desire for what I have to offer fuels my desire to give it.
Now, I can take these back with me... my clues... these pieces to the puzzle and continue my search for the biggest treasure of all.
Exactly what that is...I´ve yet to find out.
3 comments:
it seems that even though you didn't find what you were looking for you're still satified with what you did find. i hope you find the rest of your puzzle.- damola even though it says anonymus its me, damola
Faith, as complex a woman as you are I think you were expecting too much from this trek to Spain to define you. If anything it has opened you up and making it easier for you to bloom and explode when you come back home. Just in the few posting you have made I can see where you are getting more clarity and focus! However, don't lose perspective of the impact you have already had on your host family and your many students back home. Even though teaching may be just a job to you, it is a gateway for your students (domestic and foreign). On a daily basis you are broadening their horizons and showing them the world. After all, you probably spend more time with them than their parents!! Keep fighting the good fight and Keep us updated on your adventurous travels!!
if everybody found what they were really looking for, they would jump on it immediatley... but they would probably find themselves looking for something again. we are in a way consumers of understanding and experiance. suffice it to say that if we weren't that way, we wouldnt know so much. and now you know more than you may ever know about certain things in your life.
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